Church Ladies with typewriters - A quick smile this Easter from KATHLEEN PROCTOR

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church

ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins

or were announced at church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled

Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon

tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious

pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help

they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So

ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will

follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several

new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person

you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

gracious hostility.

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from

the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend

him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the

back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

use large double door at the side entrance.

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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last

Sunday:

'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'